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How to feel less awkward and more "on fire" at social events

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When I was younger I CRAVED social interactions and situations. I loved being around my peers, traveling and trying new things. But each time I went out, I found myself wondering if this event would be one of the rare and magical ones where I just felt on fire . . .

You see, I'm actually quite shy and reserved, especially in groups and especially when the people I DON'T know out number the people that I do know. Classic introvert with a Leo rising. Love the socializing. Hate the party. Or something.

BUT.

But. Every once in awhile, I'd have a rare night where I could dazzle the crowds. I could take center stage and tell witty jokes, have everyone laughing AND rip it up on the dance floor. These nights were exhilarating. I loved connecting with the crowd and I actually fed off of the energy versus being drained by it, as most of us introverts often are. The problem was, I never knew when I was going to have an "on fire" time or not. I couldn't predict the circumstances that allowed me out of my shell and into the spotlight. I knew from one to many embarrassingly failed attempts that I could not fake it until I made it. I could not force myself to act a certain way-- it didn't work like that. I was either "on fire" or I wasn't.

And while I wasn't keeping an exact journal I now suspect that those "on fire" moments happened while I was ovulating. These ovulation phases were extra magnetic because they were coinciding with the Creation phase of my life.

During the Creation phase of The Blueprint Cycles, your body and it's wisdom take center stage. You're more magnetic, friendlier and open to socializing. People are more drawn to you and intuitively want to help or sympathize with you and your causes. This is THE time to plan meetings, say yes to social engagements, ask for favors and even to batch task social media posts.

This cycle corresponds to the Ovulation phase of a woman's menstrual cycle and is all about drawing what is good and right for you-- to you. It's about receiving attention, blessings, support, resources and other good stuff.

When you're in a cycle of creation it's not like you're walking around with a big neon sign pointing at you and shouting "entitled!" It's more about being in a feminine state of receptivity and flow. The practice is in actually allowing yourself to receive.

How many times has someone complimented you and you immediately compliment them back, down play the gesture or rush in with a "oh thanks! I bought them at XYZ boutique!" instead of just smiling and saying thank you? I am VERY guilty of this game myself. But the challenge and the gift of this part of The Blueprint Cycles is to open yourself to receive.

BUT the cycle of creation is also about firmly standing in your own wisdom and declining that which is not good or right for you-- owning your sovereignty, taking up space and making swift decisions. It's about receiving your own wisdom and trusting your own intuition as much as anything else.

If you'd like to learn more about The Blueprint Cycles and how to identify when you are in the Creation cycle how to manage it, plan for it and use it to your advantage, check out The Blueprint Cycles two-part workshop by clicking the button below. Registration is open with a sliding scale for a limited time.

Stop biohacking and start cycle tracking!

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Learning to identify when I'm in a GROWTH cycle has changed the way I relate to my body. I know this phase is largely about the mind, but mindset and belief has a lot of affect on the body.

In my teens and 20's I was always "the fit one." Exercising was my hobby and showing restraint around food was my superpower.  When I became pregnant in 2012, the year I turned 30, I was shocked to gain more than 60 pounds with my pregnancy. After my darling Cuen was born, I began biohacking my diet and exercise habits and lost 50+ pounds by my son's first birthday--- only to become pregnant again. I kept up a healthy pregnancy with my second son and staved off most of the weight gain-- only to balloon up again during the last trimester. It's just what my body does when it's pregnant.

After my second son was born, I was eager to get back to biohacking my way back to 125 pounds . . . but something was different. I no longer had the morale or motivation to stick to a diet program. So I tried another one. And another one. I'd do well for awhile but inevitably I'd rebel against whatever restrictions I was trying on and end up gaining more weight rather than losing weight.

It took many bathroom floor breakdowns and "failed" attempts for me to release control entirely and stop trying to get back to some manufactured "ideal."

I came to realize that having two babies was A LOT different than having one. That while I could easily manage my diet and exercise with restriction and dedication after my first baby, I was now in a different life phase-- one that didn't respond well to those rules. In fact, I was in Blueprint Cycle No. 4-- Relaxation.

BUT, just as we have different life phases, those phases have micro layers at the monthly and even daily level. The thing is, I LIKE exercise. My body is hungry for it. So I learned to identify the daily and monthly slots when I was temporarily in Cycle No. 1: GROWTH, the ideal time for putting new habits and projects in motion. I harnessed these micro-cycles to get my mindset and habits aligned with where I wanted my health (not weight). I also learned to identify where I was overly in a feminine way of being and how to balance that with a little masculine juju to maximize the results of my efforts, and vice versa: I learned where I was being overly masculine and how to soften my approach with a little femininity.

And it's working. Three years after my second (and last!) son was born, I'm still chubbier than I was when I became pregnant with him. But I'm also a lot healthier-- in mind, body and spirit. I don't even want to get to 125 pounds again-- though 135 would be nice! But, at this time of my life, I know there's only one way I'm going to get there: by following my Blueprint Cycles-- not someone else's and I'm staying the course.

I also realized that the world of biohacking is actually the attempt to "hack" the circadian rhythm-- the rhythm that dominates men's lives but takes a backseat to the menstrual and moon rhythms of women. Once I started following the right rhythm-- The Blueprint Cycles-- things started falling into place with more grace and ease.

I've bundled the wisdom of The Blueprint Cycles into a two-part workshop, which will be recorded live on December 12th and 13th at a special price. I'll be talking in-depth about how I apply this wisdom to diet and exercise (which is really about habits). I'll also be talking about energy management, identifying your own cycles and how the moon and seasonal cycles reflect and work in tandem with The Blueprint Cycles.  You can learn more and join the workshop by clicking the button below-- it's available on a sliding scale for a limited time and includes a 50+ page PDF transcript and notes!

My Vision

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As I'm working on the launch of my new website, I've been thinking about my vision for my business and the world . . . a lot. Here are 14 things I'd like to see happen and I want this space to stand for these things:

  1. I want to see an end to spiritual bypassing and light-washing and to see spiritual entrepreneurs step into true leadership by spearheading tough conversations-- not just prescribing a full moon ritual to "let it all go."
  2. I want to see ancestral healing become part of the spiritual mainstream-- we can help heal many of the modern world maladies by addressing their root causes, which often began taking form in the lives of our recent and distant ancestors. I believe that until we address the ancestral beliefs and behaviors that began to form a certain modern malady (white supremacy, racism, hoarding of resources, pollution, disconnection from nature, etc.) we can't effectively open or hold the space to address and change these behaviors in the present.
  3. I want to see people thoughtfully and purposefully connect with their ancestral lineage as a source of spiritual power and knowledge.
  4. I want to see people, especially white people, STOP culturally appropriating certain spiritual traditions.
  5. I want to see people who are called to a spiritual tradition that does not belong to them ancestrally to first: heal their ancestral lineage and receive a blessing from their ancestors to pursue said outside spiritual tradition. Second: to do due diligence and fully comprehend the grievances their ancestral lineage may have imparted on their chosen/adopted cultural and spiritual tradition. And third: To make appropriate and sincere reparations. What this might look like: If you are a white woman who has mostly a British Isles lineage and you feel especially attracted to Hinduism, you might first connect with your own rich lineage for suggestions on spiritual practices and/or to receive a blessing to pursue Hinduism (you do NOT want to piss off or neglect your ancestors here). Then, dive deep into the cultural and religious history of Hinduism, including how the colonization of India by the British has impacted the past and present world of Hinduism. Finally, find a meaningful cause and donate time and/or money to it in the name of ancestral reparation. Do this annually. Repeatedly show up to help support the world of Hinduism, not to just take the pretty and sparkly things. Likewise, if you are a woman of color and a devout Catholic (for example) do due diligence and understand the grievances and crusades the Church has imparted on your lineage. Seek to understand and heal what you can. Don't just blindly follow.
  6. I want the voices of people of color and those across the gender spectrum uplifted and honored, especially in conversations around spiritual healing and well being.
  7. I want to see all of us tap into the blessings of our lineage to help direct our life and our missions.
  8. I want to see a world where food and physical health are no longer separated from the world of spirituality. Food is a spiritual gateway. You can't track or count your way through it.
  9. I want a world where spiritual carnivores aren't demonized. There's room at the table. Veganism is no synonymous with #crueltyfree but it might be synonymous with a disconnect with the circle of life and right relationship with death-- just as cruel animal harvesting techniques is.
  10. I want women to embrace the story and role food has played out in their lineage-- with a 21st century feminist angle.
  11. I want higher spiritual standards for all of us. Don't just follow someone because they make you feel light and pretty and entertained with fluffy rituals. Find at least one spiritual teacher who pushes you to learn and do more with your spirituality.
  12. I want it to become standard practice for spiritual leaders to list out the educations, people and experiences who have influenced their path and their practice.
  13. I want spiritual entrepreneurs to examine their offerings and coaching packages for subtle or overt expressions of oppression, the white gaze, the male gaze or other practices of homogenization and indoctrination. ESPECIALLY in the areas of health, spirituality and in creating a "success"-orientated mindset.
  14. I want spiritual seekers to examine the courses and coaching packages they are considering purchasing for subtle or overt expressions of oppression, the white gaze, the male gaze or other practices of homogenization and indoctrination. ESPECIALLY in the areas of health, spirituality and in creating a "success"-orientated mindset.